Natalie Feng

I had been longing for this shimmering mirage that seems within touch but not. Over years, I was smug about being a perfectionist on most things. I once demanded myself to always dress perfectly, speak assertively at work, stay poised in any situation, master all specialties related to my career and etc. As you already know, I couldn’t make it, because nobody can.

Nothing is perfect, yet we can still deliver high-quality results by just not perfect. Let’s take a sanity check here, I am not selling “take it easy and let it go” slogan as short-term painkiller but long-lasting agony. This article is actually about the rationale behind what the title suggests.

So, how do we walk the red carpet like owning it? It requires two elements: strong competence and high self-esteem, the latter is key. Previously I only focused on increasing my competence but not getting myself validated, in such case, one has got all the good things but still can not give the rein. “Fake it till you make it” is a useful skill, however it only applies to those who have good competence already but only with trouble to validate themselves, aka, low self-esteem. It is helpful to distinguish between fact-based inferiority and low self-esteem, after all, no one can fake a specialty that doesn’t actually exist in one’s value set.

I feel refreshed by realizing procrastination is more often caused by low self-esteem. Let me elaborate with an example: say there is a test with rankings among students, low self-esteem would cause an illusion that says rank #1 is the 100% score, but in reality, 85% score is already top of class. As a result, self-doubt drives us to believe that we have to master every single detail to be on top, such a message is certainly stressful and overwhelming, it triggers our body and mind to avoid preparing the test spontaneously, there comes procrastination.

High self-esteem offers us is a better chance to reach overall success at end of the day. In operation research, there is method called “greedy algorithm”, let’s image a chess game, “greedy algorithm” asks you to pick the most beneficial choice at every step. As we all know, no loss no gain. By trying to be “perfect” in each single step, the wholistic result probably doesn’t look too good. Confidence really keep us on the bigger picture.

Over time, I realize those who have high self-esteem tend to negotiate better, after all, name one thing that’s not negotiable in this world? Because confrontation, no matter directly or through awkward silence, is an inevitable step to achieve your goal during negotiation. it is simply a part of it, and yet it is uncomfortable. We all tend to avoid confrontation/conflict if we were not confident enough, since we feel vulnerable during the exposure. Just as how it is said: “You get what you ask for, you just have to ask correctly.”